What's a Mom to Do?!

I’m sitting here, house decorated, tree up, baking and cooking almost done, gifts under the tree…Christmas is almost here.  I’ve spent hours at church, with my prayer group ladies, with my Bible…Christmas is almost here.  But one thing is not…my oldest.  Stephanie is out, wandering the world, having the time of her life.  Do I miss her?  Of course.  Am I happy for her?  Of course.

Today I started my day with a cup of tea and facebook.  Another blog from Steph, let’s see what’s up?  She found like minded young Catholics.  What a wonderful Christmas gift for her!  I know how much her faith means to her and it is hard to maintain your faith to that level when you don’t have people backing you up…they give you a sense of normalcy in this world where faith often doesn’t seem the normal thing to have.

I read happily to the point when she was so excited about getting all the hugs.  And yes, I lost it.  My baby girl isn’t coming home for Christmas.  I still remember my first Christmas away from my mom.  I spent it with my little brother and his wife at Grandma’s house.  It was the weirdest Christmas of my life.  Even after I started staying in Michigan for Christmas, it wasn’t as strange as the first one “alone”.  I was surrounded by people that I love, just wasn’t the same…Mom wasn’t there.  26 years later, I still can remember sitting on Grandma’s front porch swing, crying. 

My tears this morning weren’t really of sadness.  I do miss Stephanie, but I’m so overwhelmed with where she is in life.  She is so very happy and I’m so happy for her.  You can see God’s hand in her life always.  I missed the part in the parenting manual on how to let go.  The message that keeps coming to me is “Be still and know that I am God”.  I know He has all my children in the palm of His hand.  That He loves them with a greater love than I ever can.  That He has their eternal salvation always on His mind.  Me, I just want to give her a hug J 

So while I sit on this side of the ocean,  taking care of the little things.  I make sure her banking is done, mail is corresponded, and help make reservations for all these wonderful trips.  I do little things, because it’s all that I can do.  God has the big load, He doesn’t complain, He will keep her safe! 

Merry Christmas Everyone!